A Case of the "Shoulds"

TL;DR: audit your "shoulds"

I am obsessed with the show Industry on HBO. The writing. The acting. The references. All peak.

After each episode, I find myself thinking about the idea of illusion, power, and identity. Who holds it. Who performs it. Who understands their role, who thinks they do.

Art imitates life. While most of us are not shorting stocks, we all live inside systems of illusion.

This week in client sessions, a consistent theme emerged. An idea had power over someone. What unfolded in each conversation was the power of “should” over their lives.

When we slowed down and examined the should, something shifted.

The idea wasn’t theirs. The should was inherited.

From family.

From culture.

From an earlier version of themselves.

From a moment when that belief made sense.

The power of “should” wasn’t coming from truth, but from unexamined assumption.

And here’s the thing about “should”...

Should doesn’t care about your context.

Should doesn’t care about your growth.

Should doesn’t care about your dreams.

Should cares about maintaining the script. And whether we want the script or not, it offers something seductive: predictability.

We love predictability because it feels known. What’s known feels safe. That is the illusion.

Should creates an illusion of autonomy until we explore why we feel in conflict with it. This is where curiosity becomes powerful.

What is this tension with should trying to tell me?

Where did this belief come from?

Is this actually mine?

If no one were watching, would I still choose this?

Stuckness is often allegiance to an idea we’ve never audited.

And once you examine the idea, you can rearrange the picture.

You can keep parts.

You can discard parts.

You can update it for who you are now.

If you’re open to it…

Notice one “should” this week and get curious about it.

Who taught me this?

When did this become true?

Does it still serve me?

Curiosity dissolves illusion. And when illusion softens, choice expands.