You're Not Behind, You're Building

A note for my former gifted and talented students and every woman comparing her process to someone else's highlight reel.

Sometimes I write via longhand because it helps me process thoughts better and because I was born in the 1900s. This is one of those times. I’m at the beach, and everyone is having a different experience. Some people are in the water, playing, floating, or swimming. Some people are walking hand in hand, side by side, alone with headphones in. Some people are playing with kids. I’m sitting here writing, listening to Into the Mystic. No one is winning at the beach. We’re all experiencing it in the way we so choose.

A lot of the women I work with feel behind or like they aren’t doing enough. Which is wild to me because they are AMAZING and doing so much at such a high level. But they’re comparing themselves with the highlight reel.

I remind them, 1) they are awesome, and 2) the work is the work. The work is the awkward first draft, the conversation you’ve put off, the reps you keep putting in, the Tuesday afternoon you showed up tired even though you were in a weird mood. You’re not behind because it’s taking time, or because the work is unglamorous and sometimes messy. You’re literally doing the work. You’re building. And that’s where most worthwhile things, like your dreams, get made.

And by the way, who or what are you behind? Life isn’t a universal relay race with invisible checkpoints. We see the highlight reel and assume that’s the entire story. What we don’t see is the mess, the breakdowns, the questioning, the imposter syndrome, and everything YOU are currently going through.

Our lives, should we choose to live them fully, unfold, bloom, shift, and flourish at different times. You’re only behind when you stop living, stop dreaming, stop growing. So snap out of it, mon petit chou. You're doing great.

If you’re open to it: Retire the thought “I’m behind” and replace it with, “What is blooming?”