Radio Dial of the Soul

What happens when we stop mistaking the loop for the truth?

There’s a Stereolab album I used to love called Dots and Loops. It floated into my head after my conversation with Father Nathan Castle, a Dominican Catholic priest who helps “stuck souls” cross over after death.

Our conversation left me speechless afterward (and anyone who knows me knows that is rare).

What struck me was the sense of familiarity in the stories he shared of the souls he helped.

Because don’t we all get stuck sometimes? Sometimes we get stuck on a story we cling to, a persona we have created. We loop around the same thought. We tread water in our shame and guilt. The same “it’s too late now”, “not ever enough”, “if I had only done that then” feeling.

“Do you want to be unhappy for all eternity because of one unrelenting thought?” — a guardian angel, in Father Castle’s Afterlife Interrupted

Perhaps we cling to ideas not because they’re true, but because they shield us from the weight of what is.

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The Stories We Grip

We are souls having a human experience. But when we lose touch with that, we start to grip.

We grip roles. We grip identities. We grip expectations and self-concepts and labels. We grip narratives about who we have to be in order to be good or safe or lovable.

We mistake the dot for the whole map. We loop.

How very human of us.

But we don’t have to stay in that space. We can shift the frequency.

If God is everywhere, then God is in all space, including the space inside you.

Father Castle isn’t speaking theoretically. He is talking physics.

If God is love, and God is in you, then that includes the fibers between your ribs. The breath in your lungs. The tension in your shoulders. The quiet ache in your heart. The tears of joy and sadness and anger that roll down your face. 

You breathe in love. You exhale love. You are the transmitter and the receiver.

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Truth doesn’t always shout.

We live in a time of very loud certainty and very low discourse.

It’s easy to confuse performance with performance. Confidence with clarity. Soundbites with truth. But truth, as Father Castle reminded us, is often quieter than that.

It’s less about being right and more about being present. It lives in the pause before we react. In the willingness to say, I’m not sure. In the choice to release the story we’ve been hiding in. In loosening the grip. In releasing the stories we hid ourselves in. 

Maybe it’s how we become.

Maybe it’s how we turn the dial.

If you’re open to it, take a few moments and reflect/journal:

• Where am I looping right now?

• What belief or story am I gripping to feel safe?

• What would it mean to shift the frequency?

• Who could I ask for help in this stuck place?

xoxo, Meghan

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A few notes:

• If you're interested in Father Castle's "And Toto Too: Zoom Retreat" on Saturdays, August 9th and 16th, from 10:00 AM to 12:00 pm (PT), learn more here.

• I made a playlist of songs that came to mind when writing this piece. You can have a listen here.

• Next week, we meet author, historian, and decorated athlete John Kennedy Howard, whose book The Black Cyclone tells the extraordinary, and mostly forgotten, story of Major Taylor. At the turn of the 20th century, cycling was the most popular sport in Europe and the US, drawing tens of thousands of fans (what?!). Major Taylor became the world’s first Black sports superstar (Teddy Roosevelt was one of his greatest admirers), breaking records and color barriers on the racetrack while facing relentless racism from fans, fellow riders, and the press. Nicknamed “The Black Cyclone,” he was a global champion whose story was nearly erased from history.