Are You Afraid of Your Own Success? Real vs. Perceived Roadblocks

Let's talk about roadblocks, real and perceived.

But first, let's talk about Jonah and the Whale.

As one does.

When I was a kid, I was OBSESSED with this story, mostly because of how weird and scary it was. The super short version is God told Jonah to go to Nineveh and tell them to stop sinning. Jonah got scared and decided, nah I'm going to Tarshish. Because I guess God wouldn't find him? LOL I don't know… So he's on the boat to Tarshish when a huge storm comes! He's freaked out and told the crew to throw him overboard, and then a whale swallowed him up! WHAT?! He was like Pinocchio's father, in that belly of the whale for 3 days until he repented for disobeying God, and then the whale yeeted him onto the shore.

Put plainly, a young man purchased a ticket AWAY from his destiny. Most of us have our own Tarshish, but we call it the responsible choice.

The Jonah Complex: The Fear of Your Own Greatness

Why am I talking about this? Hang with me, it does apply to roadblocks. Abraham Maslow, Mr. Hierarchy of Needs, identified the fear of success, which was later coined "the Jonah complex". Maslow states in The Farther Reaches of Human Nature:

"We fear our highest possibilities. We are generally afraid to become that which we can glimpse in our most perfect moments, under the most perfect conditions, under conditions of great courage. We enjoy and even thrill to the godlike possibilities we see in ourselves in such peak moments. And yet we simultaneously shiver with weakness, awe, and fear before these very same possibilities. So often, we run away from the responsibilities dictated, or rather suggested by nature, by fate, even sometimes by accident, just as Jonah tried in vain to run away from his fate."

The fear of one's own greatness has us running from possibility, often creating our own roadblocks. And look, I know Maslow has valid criticism, but let's cook with this idea for a minute. Success is unknown; staying where we are and as we are is familiar. We can explain it and calibrate our relationships, habits, and identity around it. Success requires growth, which can be exciting and destabilizing. We jump ship to Tarshish and let fear take the wheel.

Real Roadblocks vs. Perceived Roadblocks

We experience roadblocks, both real and perceived. Some real constraints look like money, family obligations, physical ability, technical skills. Very different from our favorites, “I’m too old/young to start x”, “I just need a little more time…”, “People will think I’m ridiculous”. You get the point.

Real roadblocks require strategy and creativity. Perceived roadblocks require courage.

Because those perceptions are trying to keep you living in the safety of a dream. Courage isn’t convincing yourself you’re ready, courage is taking the first step anyway. Courage is inhabiting a greater version of yourself. 

Courage is self-trust. 

What Would Actually Change If This Worked?

Relationally, socially, and how people see you and what they'd expect from you. Sometimes the honest answer is uncomfortable. You might outgrow a relationship. Lose the identity you carefully crafted.

"If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be deeply unhappy for the rest of your life. You will be evading your own capacities, your own possibilities." -Maslow, The Farther Reaches of Human Nature

And if you're feeling a little called out right now, I have good news. Jonah eventually made it to Nineveh. Late, humbled, and smelling like whale, but he showed up. Your goals and dreams are still available, just waiting for you to take the first, possibly imperfect, step.

If you're open to it, instead of asking "what's in my way?" ask "what am I protecting myself from finding out?"