Sometimes You Just Have to Press Play: How to Stop Overthinking and Start Doing

TL;DR: We often make things scarier in our heads than they turn out to be in real life. We anticipate, rehearse, and run every possible outcome until the anticipation becomes its own experience — sometimes the only one we let ourselves have. Research backs this up: in one Penn State study, about 91% of people's worries never came true. Preparation is useful. But at some point, thinking about the thing stops helping you do the thing. That's when you resource the goal and press play.

I hope you're enjoying all the delicious trappings October offers us. To quote Anne of Green Gables, "I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers."

This week was a little scary, in a fun way, and a good reminder that sometimes the things we build up in our heads turn out to be a lot less frightening in real life.

What Do Scary Movies Say About What We're Actually Afraid Of?

More than you'd think. Horror tends to hold up a mirror to whatever a culture is most anxious about at the moment.

On the latest episode of Wait — What Do You Do Again?, I talked with Dr. Dahlia Schweitzer, associate professor of film and media at the Fashion Institute of Technology and author of Haunted Homes, about how haunted houses and scary movies tell us far more about ourselves than we might think.

Home horror reflects the anxieties of its moment, from the American dream and motherhood to money, race, and gender. It's a fascinating look at what we fear, what we value, and why you should never trust a child who talks to an invisible friend in a horror movie.

Give it a listen before your next scary movie night.

Why Do We Build Things Up in Our Heads?

Because anticipation feels like protection. If we imagine every outcome in advance, we think we'll be ready for it. Usually, we just end up living the scary part twice.

Staying on theme, I finally watched Sinners in preparation for my next spooky season conversation with Dr. Karen Winstead. Everyone has been telling me to watch it since it came out. I've been nodding and saying "I will!" and then not watching it, because I am a skitty kitty.

So I did what any brave adult would do. I invited a friend over, ordered pizza, and turned off the lights. Very bravely. Some might say heroically.

The movie lived up to the hype. I loved it. And I wasn't scared. Not even a little.

Which made me think about how often we do this. By "we" I mean me, but I suspect also you.

We anticipate the experience. We imagine how we'll feel. We run through every possible outcome. We practically live the whole thing in our heads before we've even begun.

The anticipation becomes its own experience. Sometimes it's the only one we let ourselves have.

And our predictions aren't nearly as accurate as they feel. In a 2020 Penn State study, researchers Lucas LaFreniere and Michelle Newman had people with generalized anxiety disorder track their worries over several weeks. About 91% of those worries never came true. Even when one did, the outcome was often better than expected.

Is Overthinking the Same as Preparing?

No. Preparing moves you toward the thing. Overthinking keeps you circling it.

With Sinners, it was a scary movie. But we do the same thing with the dream we've been sitting on, the conversation we need to have, and the version of ourselves we're ready to grow into. We can spend so much time imagining what could happen that we never give ourselves the chance to find out.

I'm not suggesting you ignore your instincts or leap blindly into every situation. We love discernment and (reasonable) preparation around here.

The question is whether your thinking is producing a next step, or just another lap.

How Do You Stop Overthinking and Take Action?

Take some of the energy you've been spending on playing out scenarios and put it toward the thing you actually want.

Instead of rehearsing the conversation (again), schedule it.

Instead of worrying about whether you can write the book, protect an hour on your calendar and start writing.

Instead of wondering whether you're ready for the next step, name what you'd need to make it possible, then go get it.

What Does It Mean to Resource Your Goal?

Resourcing your goal means treating what you already have as fuel for what you want, instead of waiting until you feel ready.

Your time, attention, energy, relationships, and expertise are all resources. So is your willingness to try something before you know exactly how it'll turn out.

At some point, thinking about the thing stops helping you do the thing. Sometimes you just have to press play.

FAQ: Overthinking, Anticipation, and Taking Action

Why do things feel scarier in my head than in real life? Because anticipation lets your imagination fill every gap with the worst version. Real life has limits and details your imagination skips. That's why so many dreaded experiences — a hard conversation, a big launch, a scary movie — turn out more manageable than expected.

Do most worries actually come true? Usually not. In a 2020 Penn State study, people with generalized anxiety disorder tracked their worries, and about 91% never came true. When a worry did come true, the outcome was often better than they'd feared.

What's the difference between overthinking and preparing? Preparing produces a next step: a plan, a scheduled date, a question answered. Overthinking produces another round of the same scenarios without moving you forward. If you've run the same "what if" more than a few times, you're probably past preparing.

How do I stop overthinking and start? Swap one round of rehearsing for one concrete action. Schedule the conversation instead of replaying it. Block an hour instead of debating whether you can do it. Name what you'd need for the next step, then go get it.

What does "resource your goal" mean? It means using what you already have — time, attention, energy, relationships, expertise, and a willingness to try before you're certain — as fuel for the goal, instead of waiting to feel fully ready first.

What do haunted house movies say about our fears? According to film scholar Dr. Dahlia Schweitzer, author of Haunted Homes, horror set in the home tends to reflect the anxieties of its era — about the American dream, family, money, race, and gender. Her episode of Wait — What Do You Do Again? explores why.

If you've been rehearsing the next chapter longer than you'd like, that's exactly what we work on in coaching: naming what you actually want, resourcing it, and moving before you feel 100% ready. Let's chat.

If you're open to it…

What are you anticipating right now that you haven't actually experienced yet?

And what might happen if, instead of spending another week imagining it, you took one small step toward finding out?